My Hideous Skyrim Helmet: Part 1

I have been saving a massive cardboard box in my attic for nearly a year. It is enormous*, large enough to contain me. I am about 5 feet worth of person.

For nearly a year, I have defended its presence, drowning out my husband's protestations against "clutter" with my insistence that, just as Michelangelo sensed the beauty hidden within a block of marble, I too would one day discover the hidden universal purpose of my cardboard box.

I would bring out the essential cardboard box-ness of the cardboard box.  

Within this bold declaration, I would inevitably close the attic door and completely forget about its very existence.

So a few weekends ago - surprised (as usual) to find it, slumped in a corner, I resolved to do something with it. Anything.

Out of sheer laziness, I resorted to Pinterest. My heart told me this would be a pointless endeavor, and after several variant, progressively specific searches...

cardboard + craft

cardboard + craft + no jesus

cardboard + craft + no jesus + no children + adult = this is not happening

this is tempting but also not happening

... I accepted that Pinterest has little to offer the artistic cardboard crafter. I mean, yes. I found a few amazing pieces - dresses, dinosaur heads, weapons, etc. - but anything remotely cool looked, to my disappointment, like real work. The kind involving skill.

{I should mention that I broke my wrist last month. Why I was compelled to try to craft something out of stiff, difficult-to-cut corrugated cardboard with only one hand on a Saturday afternoon, I have no idea. There are 11 entire other months this year in which I could have elected to do this! Why such poor timing? Why, cruel muse of cardboardery!!!!}

But I found one exception, thanks to the plethora of Cosplay bloggers, who have flooded social media with helpfully unhelpful tutorials, raising one's expectations that you, mortal, can readily mimic their mastery of Worbla.**

Behold: Skyrim Iron Helmet, presented by ByGoneEra!

Easy, right? Right?


*Some would point out that 5 feet does not make for an enormous person, but I believe it unequivocally makes for an enormous box.
** Foreshadowing.

Cat Portrait!

Would you pay someone to paint a portrait of your beloved pet? Having visited a street market this summer in Portland, and seeing that lots of artists market themselves as "pet portraitists," I decided to find out.

First, I snapped and filtered a picture of Kitty doin' what she does best: skulkin' and sleepin'.

I drew it out with a pencil... And I filled it in with watercolors.

I kinda lost interest in completing the background, which I suppose you'd want to complete if you were actually paid to do this.

Happy customer!

Halloween: Mother of Dragons

I like "Game of Thrones," though  not in a particularly obsessive way. But daaaaamn, do I love that Khaleesi's style!

I started this costume back in the summer, inspired by a video which made it look super easy.

It was not that easy. I knew immediately that although I could pick out some great ideas from this video (the belt!), I'd have to design my own top.

The video suggests simply tying it off in the back. Now, if you don't have tits or don't plan to move at all while wearing this costume, that's feasible. But I needed something a little more heavy duty.

Sidenote: Simplicity offers a pattern, but when I decided to make this costume, it wasn't available! Sold out, in the middle of June! Sheesh!

After looking at loads of examples, and pondering a simple tshirt upcycle, I headed off to Fabric Depot. I felt that even I, with my limited skill, could make a simple halter top with a snap button in the back.

But here's the thing. The #1 challenge in making a Khaleesi costume is not the actual sewing - this particular costume is extremely forgiving for novice sewers, as it's meant to look rough-hewn.

The tough part is finding the proper fabric.

As a quick Google search will show you, the top is a particularly earthy fabric. I would describe it as chunky, handmade linen rubbed in dirt.

This was not available at Fabric Depot, not by a long shot. I suppose if you really, really care about accuracy, you'll do a more thorough job of looking for something "matchy." 

So when I find a leather-looking, featherlight, slightly plasticy fabric, I called it good.

However. The second most difficult thing about this costume turned out to be working that damn pleather (maybe it wasn't totally pleather; I don't know fabrics). Fearful of its toughness, I didn't want to run it through my precious sewing machine, so I did everything by hand, with my embroidery needles. So far as hand stitching goes, this was excruciating.  

But never mind, here's basically what I did to make the top:

• First, I cut out the shape of the top. I left a LOT of fabric at the bottom for later editing.
• I made a small ruching at the point of cleavage. Is ruching a word?
• I cut out and braided pieces of the pleather and some linen to make a single chunky strap, which I then positioned and hand stitched into place. Important: make the straps tight and short. They will quickly stretch out, even if you are doing nothing more than wearing the top. I've had to tie off the straps behind my neck with a hair tie because they stretched out so much! And, be generous with your braiding. I used three strips of fabric, but I think more would have been cooler. If I'd had the patience.
• I got my husband to Sharpie up the point in the back where I needed a button to hold me in. This was then hand-stitched into place.
• I then chop chopped the bottom, to give it a raggedy look.
• I just happened to have this Irish pin which resembles that medallion on the Game of Thrones costume, so yay!

For the handwraps:

• I took scraps and fabric glued them to fit around my hands, and so they could slide off easily.

For the skirt, belt, & loincloth:

• I took the easy way out. I used the video's tips to make an overwrap piece out of some spare linen, and connected it simply with a pin.
• I had enough of the hellish plastic fabric to make a short skirt, and somehow, I had managed to cut out a hole in the center that was just about my waist-size. 
• The loincloth uses more of the pleather, which I glued around an actual leather string-thing. Handy for just tying on.
• The belt was straight from the video, and I got many compliments on it!
• Add tights and boots.

Yes, she wears a much longer and lighter colored skirt. I actually found one at my local thrift store some months later, and debated buying it, but it was $18 and really, how often would I be wearing this?

Although not accurate, I'll say that for my purposes (Halloween parties et al.) it was nice to have the shorter skirt option.

And, since none of my friends knew watch Game of Thrones, my inaccuracies went unnoticed.

Finally, the coup de resistance: the wig. I broke down and bought an "official GoT" wig from one of them pop-up Halloween shops, literally the day of the party. I thought it was outrageously expensive for something I'd wear basically just once and was staging a protest against it.

Until I realized it was also fabulous and completed the costume, and so dashed off for it.

I loved wearing the costume, and think it turned out pretty good!

The End.

Recycled Mint Tin Love Token

 My friend Britney and I made a pact in August:  to make some crafty goodness for each other.  We would see each other in October (she lives in Boise and I in Portland) at our Arts Management MA reunion in Eugene, Oregon. 

There was no condition stating that said craft needed to be complete by the time of the reunion or that gifts would be exchanged in person, but to be totally honest I totally forgot about our pact until early October.  At which point, I figured I might as well commit and crank a tiny thing of beauty!

I needed the inspiration to get going anyway.  I feel like a bit of a charlatan, given that my blog's title sounds so... recklessly, hopelessly dedicated to making stuff.

But the reality is this: I work 40 hours a week, man.  This week it actually clocked in at 51 hours.  There's something to be said for the arts being a luxury of the rich, because if I had concentrated leisure time, I'd totally max it out with things I love! I'd paint, I'd embroider, I'd cover things in glitter and learn woodworking (mostly so I can make a badass "no soliciting" sign for my house).

But such is not my situation this fall.  My usual nighttime activity consists of struggling to keep my eyes open till at least 9 pm, and usually snuggles with my cat.

Kitty the Cat, Stalwart Companion

Ah well.  Gotta earn those $$ so you can buy those $$$ woodworking kits!

Pressed for time but earnest in my desire to make something she could reasonably fit within her carry-on luggage, I espied an empty mints tin upon my desk at work.

This tin had been empty for a year, but I could not bring myself to throw it away.  I knew it had a destiny.

And so, I decided to craft a small diorama for my Idahoan friend, who spent 2 years living in Oregon as we completed our degrees.

I did not really document the process because I know she sometimes reads this blog, and I did not want to ruin the surprise!

So I will describe what I should have done.  Yes, for mistakes were made and lessons were learned!

1.  I covered up the outside by mod podging on some adorable woodland-themed paper.  Trimming it to size is a bit awkward, so I opted for washi tape wrapped around the sides and hide the misjudgments.

2.  On some watercolor paper cut to size, I painted trees.  Just trees.  After letting this dry, I scribed on my message and added a tiny rabbit using gel ink.

2A.   I was timid about drawing any woodland creatures, and so only committed to drawing an eensy weensy rabbit head popping up.  And wouldn't you know, the first thing she said when she opened it:  "Aaah, a little rabbit!"  So, aim big!

3.  Having purchased beautiful sparkly paper, I cut this to size and used it as a sky background.  I got lucky and found this raincloud sticker amidst my ancient scrapbooking supplies - I just knew it too had a Destiny!

4.  I just happened to have some mushroomy fabric, so I cut a strip to create the ground within the actual tin.  Before totally gluing it down, I arranged a small mushroom-on-wire which I had found at Collage, along with my other invaluable purchases:

• tiny deer
• small, cheerful gnome-man

5.   I had a devil of the time getting the gnome to glue into place, so I would suggest something more serious than Elmer's.

6.  I decided that the spindle deer legs would DEFINITELY not match up well with Elmer blobs, so I decided to frame this to my friend as the "charming moveable component."

Overall -- 
 

Note the tiny, delightful rabbit head

My friend was delighted, I'm delighted to say.  It also made for a very popular Instagram.

Ta da!  Now that she has it, this concludes my blogging about it. 

Creepy dolly

Well, here she is!  Finished project, sitting on my mantelpiece.

I like to think of her as Olga, the Chubby, Germanic, Awestruck Wunder-Child.  Which is a much nicer name that what I have said out loud.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Because even I can't figure out how the hell to follow blogs, I figured I'd make life easier and join myself to the Borg Collective.

JOIN ME

T-shirt Deconstruction Bullshit

Thinking to do my part for Mother Earth, I grabbed two ugly pink t-shirts from the Goodwill pile at work.  Because our office is moving this fall,  a wealth of Goodwill-appropriate riches have accumulated in the main hallway.

And I hopped onto the Internet, to determine a wise way to "upcycle" them.  Or "deconstruct," if you will.

I was looking for something easy as well as theoretically useful.  Hence, I came upon the upcycled t-shirt scarf (or, l'echarpe du t-shirt recycle, for my French friends).

It really did take about 10 minutes of simple snip snips:

And then I streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetched the strips, and bound them with the hem:

OH MY GOD A SCARF!

Will I wear this?  That remains to be seen.  I'd like to wear more scarves in my everyday life, but the ones you can buy at Target (le Target) entail way more fabric than my small frame can bear.  I wind up looking like I'm trying to artfully hide a neck brace.

I had one more shitty tshirt to go, and so I thought I'd experiment with something more daring... a workout shirt (un t-shirt de l'exercise, Froggies!).

While I liked the back...

                                                                                                                                                               

Well, I mean I kinda liked the back... Ialthough did just leave the bottom twiney bit loose, which looks stupid, but.  When you get lazy, you get lazy, ya know?

WHOA Blogger is acting stupid.  Ignore the brand new word above, which should read "although I".  Obviously! 

Anyway.  Would I wear this as a workout shirt?  Sure, except that for this particular deconstruction did not change the very cringe-worthy frontside of the shirt.  So fucking cheesy, but it made for a power shot:

Give Life, Live life, bitches!  Register as an organ donor today, etc.

Just for a laugh, I pulled a sleeve over my head and tried to convince Husband that I'd crafted a tiny hat.  He nodded very respectfully.  When I told him I was just kidding, this is just a stupid sleeve, he looked relieved and said "Oh, phew.  I was having trouble pretending that your hat didn't look stupid."

Ha!